This week, I was reading a conversation in our HeadteacherChat community where many of you reached out to support a leader struggling with behaviour issues in their school. It reminded me of how draining and frustrating it can be when you feel like you’ve tried everything, yet nothing seems to work.
In my experience, when you reach this point, it’s time to step back and start fresh.
I always begin with the child—because before we can change behaviour, we need to understand it.
Step 1: Understanding the Child
Instead of focusing solely on what’s going wrong, I ask the following key questions:
- What behaviours are they displaying?
- Why might they be behaving this way?
- What has triggered or contributed to this behaviour?
- How can we teach them an alternative way to communicate that is both effective and enjoyable?
- Are there any external agencies that could offer support?
- What resources might help them feel calmer, communicate better, or engage more easily in learning?
The Most Important Step: Talking to the Child
No behaviour plan is complete without involving the child in the conversation. We can assume reasons for their actions, but they are the experts on their own experiences.
I ask them directly:
- How do you feel about school?
- What do you find easy or comfortable?
- What do you find difficult?
- What happens when you struggle?
- Why do you think this is hard for you?
- What situations or triggers make it worse?
- How can we help you?
- How can you help yourself? What would you do differently next time?
- What do you need to make things better?
- Why do you feel this way?
- What words or actions could you use when you feel like this?
🔹 Further Reading on Behaviour and Inclusion:
Step 2: Reviewing the Learning Environment
Once I’ve gathered insights from the child, I turn my attention to their surroundings.
- Do they feel safe, valued, and listened to?
- Does the environment support their emotional and social needs?
- How do they experience learning? Is it too challenging or not engaging enough?
- Are there practical changes that could make learning more accessible?
If a child doesn’t feel safe or valued, their behaviour will reflect that. Behaviour is communication, and it’s our role to decode the message behind it.
🔹 Further Reading on Safe Learning Environments:
Step 3: Setting High Expectations with Support
Once I have a clear picture of the child’s needs and environment, I set high expectations—not just for behaviour, but for how we support them to meet those expectations.
A consistent and structured approach is key:
- Ensure they have everything they need to succeed.
- Work as a team to provide consistent support.
- Reinforce clear boundaries so they feel safe and secure.
- Celebrate small wins—positive reinforcement makes a difference.
Children need structure and predictability. They thrive when expectations are clear and fair, and when positive behaviour is consistently acknowledged.
🔹 Further Reading on Behaviour Management:
The Power of Small Changes Over Time
The most rewarding part of leadership is watching a child transform from an unhappy, disengaged learner into a confident, motivated individual who loves coming to school.
Behaviour management is not about control—it’s about connection, understanding, and support.
If you’re currently struggling with challenging behaviour in your school, I encourage you to:
- Ask these key questions.
- Listen to what the child is telling you.
- Make small but meaningful adjustments.
- Celebrate every small step forward.
I hope these insights help you as much as they have helped me.
Lucy
🔹 Additional Leadership and Inclusion Resources:
Updated 12/03/25
